Life has brutal ways to teach us self-love and trust, trust in our guts to protect ourselves from risks taken.
My first experience with rejection started at my mother’s womb. Dear “daddy” avoided responsibility on my life since then. It took many years as an adult to realise the rejection pattern I fell in.
At work, my many roles demanded the best of my skills. I was to produce and hand over creations to others to deliver. I was not to deliver whatever I produced, it had to be a bimbo, I wasn’t. These situations took the best of my emotional life. I had to learn to protect myself and I managed to use my work-skills as my best weapon. I didn’t need to defend myself. I didn’t need to get upset anymore. My self-esteem was high to a point “whatever I decided was God’s dictum”, my bosses where my shields.
My personal life was not that easy. All my partners suffered from the same, “loyalty” condition, to themselves only as they took me as their private maid with a tea towel. Until one day I opened the door and the last partner marched out screaming that “I was responsible for ending a beautiful relationship” where I had to share his unfaithful and less loyal qualities. My self-esteem raised when I had enough from their irresponsibility.
Over the last twenty years loneliness had no room in my life. I dedicated the time to do, go and meet whoever made me feel good. I joined groups where I learned hobbies to keep me busy and “happy”. I became my best companion, no room for cheap stories, no room for worries and no room for pain of any kind. My social life is very choosy now.
But… yes, but I got of guard and my well-groomed self-confidence got wounded. I freely walk with a high sense of being protected I am careful where I walk and who I meet. The past twenty years taught me to trust myself and that I Am Enough in every way of my life. I walked alone fulfilling my obligations with my family and community. I walked alone to fulfill my life commitments and or survivals. And being alone is not out of the normal, not for me anyway.
I learned in the past years that when people want my company, they don’t need to buy my affection or attention. They only need to be straight-forward, and I will be making the right decision ‘by me’, but to show up now then to ghost out, it really gets me out of balance.
Rejection is heartbreaking. Once the reason for their insecurities is worked-out I manage to relax and return to my old self. Rejection is time wasted although it raises compassion a notch.
When people reject us, it is because they are going through situations and have not idea how easy it is to risk and get over with it. Whether the risk is safe or not it is better to take it than to run in pain not knowing which way to walk on.
My attention or my affection cannot be bribed, I got a price but I am not the prize.
Jeg's Kit Corner 